♬ People are people, so why should it be, you and I should get along so awfully? ♬
People are People. Depeche Mode
Some conflict is inevitable. People have different perspectives, work styles, and priorities. But when Martin Gore wrote those lyrics for Depeche Mode, he captured something important about human relationships; we're all just people trying to do our best, so why should getting along be so difficult?
The answer, unfortunately, is that whilst conflict may be inevitable, most of us were never taught how to handle it constructively. As a result, tensions simmer, resentments build, and what started as a simple disagreement becomes a toxic dispute that poisons the entire workplace.
There's a better way.
When good people have bad conflicts
I've mediated many workplace conflicts over the years, and what I have found is that most workplace disputes aren't caused by bad people being malicious. They're about good people who've lost the ability to communicate effectively with each other.
Perhaps it began with a miscommunication about project priorities. Perhaps someone felt undermined in a meeting. Or possibly it was simply a clash of communication styles that gradually escalated into something bigger.
Before you know it, two perfectly reasonable people can't be in the same room without tension crackling in the air. Their colleagues start choosing sides. Productivity plummets. The whole team dynamic shifts.
Does that sound familiar?
The real cost of unresolved conflict
Left unchecked, workplace conflict doesn't just disappear. It festers. And when it's festering, it's costing you in ways you might not even realise:
Time and energy - How much mental bandwidth are people spending on "the situation" instead of their actual work?
Team dynamics - When two people are in conflict, it affects everyone around them. Meetings become awkward. Collaboration breaks down.
Talent retention - People don't want to work in toxic environments. They'll find somewhere else to take their skills.
Decision-making - When relationships are strained, it becomes harder to have honest conversations about important issues.
A different approach to resolution
Traditional mediation approaches often facilitate conversations, hoping that people will figure it out themselves. Sometimes what's needed is more strategic guidance and practical direction to help people find solutions that actually work. I like to call this approach “Mediation with Recommendations”.
This approach recognises that sometimes people need more than just a safe space to talk. They need expert guidance on how to move forward constructively.
Effective conflict resolution creates a safe, confidential environment where grievances can be aired and misunderstandings explored. But it also brings expertise in organisational psychology and communications to help people better understand what went wrong and how to prevent it happening again.
When individual coaching works better
Not every conflict needs mediation. Sometimes what's needed is individual conflict coaching - helping someone develop the skills to navigate challenging relationships more effectively.
Maybe you're dealing with a colleague whose communication style triggers you. Perhaps you're trying to work with someone whose approach to deadlines is completely different from yours. Or possibly you're struggling with how to address behaviour that's affecting the whole team.
Conflict coaching gives you:
- Personalised strategies for managing your own emotional responses
- Practical tools for having difficult conversations with confidence
- Actionable techniques for improving ongoing relationships
What makes the difference
What underpins effective conflict resolution is creating the right conditions for honest dialogue and then having conversations that move things forward. The STREETCREDS framework can help us the think about this.
Creating the right conditions means helping people create psychological safety, so that everyone feels secure enough to be honest. Rebuilding trust that may have been damaged. Focusing on being relational rather than just fixing immediate problems. Using emotional intelligence to navigate reactions and responses. Encouraging authentic expression so people can communicate their real concerns. Maintaining truthfulness about what's really happening and what needs to change.
Then, in conversations, ensuring people are candid about issues whilst remaining respectful of each other, being engaging rather than defensive, directional rather than circular, and sensitive to timing and approach.
Real resolution, not just peacekeeping
The goal isn't just to stop people arguing. It's to help them understand each other well enough to work together effectively.
When mediation works well, people often say, "I wish we'd done this months ago." They realise that most of their conflict stemmed from misunderstandings, different priorities, or simply not knowing how to communicate their needs effectively.
When conflict coaching is effective, people develop skills that they use long after our sessions end. They become more confident in addressing issues early, before they escalate into major conflicts.
Moving forward stronger
People really are just people. We all have different backgrounds, communication styles, and ways of approaching work. Those differences don't have to create awful relationships - they can make teams stronger if people know how to navigate them.
The question is, are you going to let simmering conflicts continue to drain energy from your workplace, or is it time to address them constructively?
When people can get along, really get along, not just tolerate each other, everything becomes possible.
Whether you need Savvy Mediation to resolve an existing dispute or conflict coaching to prevent future ones, we're here to help you turn those awful relationships into productive partnerships. Get in touch to find out more, and let's start the conversation.
Hi, I’m Sarah Harvey, the founder of Savvy Conversations and creator of the STREETCREDS framework. I provide workplace mediation and conflict coaching, helping individuals and teams navigate difficult dynamics and restore productive working relationships.