♬ I've got something I wanna talk about to you... ♬
♬...just another communication, it could help the situation ♬
Bobby Womack
We need to talk.
Four words that can strike fear into the heart of even the most seasoned manager! Yet avoiding conversations we know we need to be having is costing us far more than we realise.
Some statistics that might surprise you:
34% of managers admit to putting off a difficult conversation for at least a month. 25% have avoided one for over a year.
That's a lot of unfinished business floating around our workplaces.
But here's the really interesting bit. When those same managers rate their own conversational abilities, 68% consider themselves extremely or very confident at handling difficult discussions. Yet, when HR professionals rate those managers? Only 21% are seen as confident.
Which got me thinking... Do we think we're better at this stuff than we really are?
The uncomfortable truth
When I ask managers to rate their own workplace conversational ability on a scale of 1-10, they're often generous about themselves, regularly pitching their response at around 7 or 8/10. Then I ask them to rate the organisation as a whole.
The organisation almost always scores lower. It's very rarely the other way round.
Does this tell us something about human nature? Do we all like to think we’re ‘above average’? Or is it that when conversations go wrong, our instinct is to think "it's not me, it's them." If only they listened better. If only they were more reasonable. If only they said what they really meant.
But the thing is, every conversation involves at least two people, each bringing their own perspectives, triggers, and communication patterns to the mix.
The data tells a different story
The latest research reveals a troubling gap between leadership perception and employee reality.
According to 2024 research, 44% of employees feel leaders avoid tough conversations, but only 20% of leaders agree they do this. That's a massive perception gap right there.
Meanwhile, research by coaching firm Bravely shows that 70% of employees avoid difficult conversations, with 53% handling "toxic" situations by simply ignoring them.
Think about that for a moment. Your team might be walking on eggshells around you, and you might not even know it.
That's concerning, isn't it? Most of us start talking around 12 months old, so it's easy to take conversational skills for granted. But often people struggle to find the right words at the right time. What seems like a straightforward chat to you might feel anxiety-inducing to someone else.
The cost of avoidance
Think about the conversations you've been avoiding.
That team member whose performance concerns you've been tiptoeing around probably senses something's wrong, but they don't know what. The uncertainty is likely to be more stressful than a good conversation about it.
What about the colleague whose communication style is affecting the whole team? Your silence isn't protecting anyone - it's enabling dysfunction.
Every avoided conversation has a cost. Issues escalate. Resentment builds. Performance suffers. Teams become dysfunctional, and respect for management erodes.
My decades of management experience have taught me it's rare that we don't know what needs discussing. We just don't always know how to discuss it constructively.
The neuroscience of avoidance
When we sense a potentially difficult conversation ahead, our ancient survival mechanisms kick in. That fight-flight-freeze response that kept our ancestors alive now treats workplace feedback just like a sabre-toothed tiger.
Your heart races. Your mind goes blank. Blood moves away from the cognitive parts of your brain, making rational thinking harder.
This happens to everyone - it's just human nature.
Understanding this innate response and learning to work with it rather than against it is the first step to managing it effectively.
A different approach
What if I told you that every conversation is attempting to do two things simultaneously? On the one hand, you want to get results - complete tasks, solve problems, communicate messages, achieve outcomes.
On the other hand, you want to maintain positive relationships - feel good about the interaction, strengthen connections, avoid damaging trust.
I call this the Savvy Seesaw. Most of us have a natural preference for one side or the other. Some people are naturally results-focused (even if it sometimes upsets people), whilst others prioritise harmony (even if it means not tackling sensitive issues).
The key to having savvy conversations is learning to balance both sides.
The STREETCREDS solution
Through extensive research and working with thousands of individuals, I identified what it takes to turn difficult discussions into highly effective conversations.
My STREETCREDS framework sets out how to:
Build the trust necessary for honest dialogue
Develop relationships that can withstand challenging conversations
Use emotional intelligence to navigate reactions and responses
Express yourself authentically whilst remaining considerate of others
Maintain truthfulness even when that feels uncomfortable
Then, in the moment of conversation, five key elements must work together like cogs in a machine: being Candid, Respectful, Engaging, Directional, and Sensitive.
Your next steps
That conversation you've been avoiding is probably not going away on its own.
Start with someone you trust, and about something that matters but isn't career-defining. Practice balancing honesty with kindness. Focus on being helpful rather than being right.
Remember that most people would rather know where they stand than be left guessing. They want the chance to improve, to contribute, to be part of the solution.
The conversation you're avoiding might be exactly what's needed to help the situation.
Sometimes we really do have something important to talk about. The question is, are we brave enough to start that conversation?
As Bobby Womack reminds us in the song "Communication":
“It's just another communication, it could help the situation.”
And sometimes, that's exactly what our workplaces need.
If you want to find out more about our Savvy Leadership programmes and how they could help the situation get in touch.
Hi, I'm Sarah Harvey, the founder of Savvy Conversations and author of "Savvy Conversations: A practical framework for effective workplace relationships." My STREETCREDS framework has helped thousands of managers successfully transform their workplace communications.